Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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