I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
