I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
