If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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