It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
