i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
