I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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