my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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