You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
