my mouth tastes like poor choices
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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