if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
