Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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