Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
