Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
