I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
