Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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