I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
