i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
