Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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