Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
