If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
