I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
