my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
