I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
