I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
