There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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