love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
