Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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