dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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