You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
