I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
