I am puke
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
