Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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