my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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