would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
