Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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