did you get engaged???
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
