Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
