to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
