My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the raccoons are back...
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