i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
