I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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