Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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