Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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