her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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