omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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