The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
