there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
