you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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