I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
