Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
