remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
