insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
